When Do I Get To Speak?

Dear God,

When do I get to speak? When do I get to have a voice in all I've been through these past three years? When do I get to shout from the roof tops that I had several mental break downs, breakthroughs, friendships gained and friendships lost? When do I get to grieve and face the loss of people I loved for so many years, built into and now don't return emails? What do I do with those hurts, those tears and those sorrows?

When do I get to address mental illness, it's effect on all aspects of my life least of all relationships I wasn't able to maintain without their help and the inability to get to church. When do I get to express the distance I feel from many in the Christian community who need to be educated or who really could give a crap about this kind of thing? When do I get to pour out my rage against those who speak badly against me for having this mental disease over which I have no control other than taking my daily meds, staying in therapy twice a week, seeing my psychiatrist monthly and getting out of bed or resting, depending on what my body and mind need?

When do I get to serve my Savior again? How and with who? At South Barrington? At McHenry County? Is it still with Long Grove? I have a bouncing ball in my head that is directed toward prayer in this area but still it bounces from place to place. The only consistent place it seems to land is intercessory prayer. Pleading on behalf of those who need a touch from God to set their spirit free however that freedom may come. Maybe sharing my story and compassion for what they are going through. Holding their hand and lifting their heart toward God.

I need a voice. Not an audience. I need to find my voice. And then, I need to shout to whoever will listen. I need to shout to the throne of Grace. Like Joyce Meyer says, "It's me again, Lord."

Love Amy