One Year Ago Today

It's the middle of the afternoon when the phone rings at work. It's my sister Tracy. "Amy, I have something to tell you." I sensed in her voice it was serious but was not in our immediate family. She continued. "Cathy was killed in a car accident this morning." I froze.

Cathy was my sister Tina's best friend. Cathy became part of our family for many years. She and I shared a special closeness because of the similarities of our past. Whenever we saw each other we'd steal a few moments to talk about our stuff. What we were healing, the latest drugs we were taking. We understood unspoken words, thoughts and feelings where sometimes only the intimacy of eye contact can communicate. She was the only one who understood my half sentences and I understood hers. And now...she was gone.

Cathy was a follower of Jesus Christ who loved her children and struggled with the same sort of things you and I do. She was a fighter. She inspired me to keep pushing through the pain of my past no matter how many hospitalizations, therapists or trying new drugs it took. She was my cheerleader. And so much more.

Tracy drove to where I was working so we could get out to Tina's quickly. On the way, we looked for the accident scene. We found it. We walked around where littered on the ground were pieces of Cathy's car, it's contents and the telephone pole her overturned car hit when she slid across black ice and lost control. It was sobering to take in. Since then, I've felt her presence there. Today, I long to connect with her.

I'll always remember the shock of that phone call. The wake, the funeral, crying with my sister and my mom driving down as soon as she heard. I don't know how to process the sadness I feel. I'm crying some but mostly I feel numb. I look at the picture when we all stood up at Tina's wedding. Her beautiful smile, sense of humor and candid conversations will always be with me. Deep down, I wish God hadn't taken her home so soon.

I miss her a lot.