Train

October 16, 2009

Dear Carol,

It was so good to hear your voice today. I wanted to give you a brief update of the happenings of the past week so it’s charted as we head into God’s plan for the next era of my healing and recovery.

This week has been filled with blessings of family mixed with migraines and trips to the ER. I saw my new neurologist who took me off the Topomax citing it causes kidney stones (now they tell me!) and switched it to Propanolol 40mg twice daily. As I wean off the Topomax I notice my body does not like it, especially with the pseudo seizures.

Last night was especially difficult. The dreams were vivid and very realistic. I dreamt I was joining my mom on a trip she had to go on for Kemper which included a series of connections between airline flights and trains in the horn of Africa (far northeast corner) where the poorest people live, like the people in Burma. The passengers consisted of me and my entire family, people from Bright Hope, and you and Jeff as the conductors.

The train traveled like a roller coaster through mountains of rock sometimes at top notch speeds where you took over the steering. Some of my family members were scared but I reassured them that this was safe traveling, normal for the region of Africa we were in and the type of traveling we were doing. The tracks at times went completely upside down but nothing fell and there were no injuries to anyone. It seemed normal.

What wasn’t normal was this part. When we arrived at our destination, somehow I saw this and it made me sick to my stomach. Having had a migraine and being up all night anyway (in real life), this didn’t help matters. I dreamt there was an assembly line of girls and boys, ages 6-7, lined up with a red folded metal chair separating them. They were told to step forward then dropped into a big blender where they not only died but their remains were being served to naïve visitors as specialty drinks. It made me sick in real life. In my dream, I told my nephews and nieces not to look and we kept walking.

I can’t get those images out of my head. The migraine from Monday is finally gone but those images represent something. When I woke up, after an hour or two, I had a pseudo seizure that lasted for an hour. I was up most of the night wondering why God had me up and why I was given that dream.

I did a lot of intercessory prayer, a lot of rocking and shifting in my bed. At one point all eight cats were in bed with me and then there were none. It was if they said, “Hey, we’re comfortable. What’s your problem?” I read some passages in scripture about fear and peace which helped then put on some relaxation music throughout the entire night.

I focused on Jesus holding me and me holding Him. I thought of you, my family, my friends, the blessings God’s given to me but nothing calmed me down. I knew I needed another session with you so I analyzed my October spending, found where I could cut corners and made the appt for next week. Now I feel more at ease and can lie down peacefully.

I’m sure we’ll talk about this next week. Have a terrific weekend!!!

Love Amy