Dear God,
Now it's time to forgive Jill. Here are the emotions I feel:
abused, angry, bitter, bleak, blocked, blue, burdened, codependent, concerned, confused, controlled, deceived, discounted, discouraged, dismayed, disregarded, disrespected, down, embarrassed, empty, excluded, exhausted, explosive, failure, fearful, frustrated, fuming, furious, guilty, hateful, heavy hearted, helpless, hostile, hurt, ignored, infuriated, insulted, jealous, mad, malice, mean, misunderstood, obsessed, on edge, peeved, questioning, rage, ready to fight, regretful, resentful, restless, revengeful, shocked, sick, sorrowful, sorry, spiteful, steaming, suffering, suspicious, tearful, tense, tentative, tired, tricked, unanswered questions, uncaring, uncertain, uneasy, upset, used, unsafe, weary, weighed down, withdrawn, worn out, victim, victimized.
A lot of anger, A lot of hurt.
A lot of questions, A lot of wondering.
These are my feelings, they cause me to groan.
No one can take them away or call them their own.
For feelings are given by You to express what's inside,
It's your wisdom I seek in expressing them, where I want to abide.
Jill has her own list, it is long against me I'm sure.
I pray she is able to get to the other side so her beautiful heart can be pure.
She had good intentions, that much I believe,
It's how she ended our relationship - that's what I grieve.
Lord, help me as I go through this exercise to be honest and true,
For it is in my heart to hide but not really from you.
The sexual abuse flashbacks are starting up again,
Show me how to become a whole person, integrated and mend.
Your faithful daughter,
Amy Kathleen
The Bible says God will never leave us nor forsake us. In my case, I hang onto those words as a lifeline. I hope you do, too.
