New medications, explosions in my head.
Random thoughts of suicide, no thoughts of being dead.
Medications have side effects, this I've long forgotten.
When I want to flee or freeze at night, I get the help I've gotten.
I wake up at eight, take my meds, then sleep until noon.
I hope this chemical transition passes on soon.
The day times are difficult, the night times more so.
I cling to a special pillow that reminds me of a friend's love and I don't let go.
Once I called someone and she spent the night.
I kept waking up to make sure she was there and I'd be alright.
I don't know if God will release this from my life.
I'm learning how to handle it better though at times I use my knife.
He doesn't expect me to be perfect, to walk this road alone.
He wants to walk with me so I reach out with little hands and little bones.
The beginning.
