Pains In My Side

My knees are healing from the fall last week.
Now my side is aching like another kidney stone is going to pass.
Doesn't my body know how to take a break?

I'm at the ER at least once a month for something.
Something legitimate.
Something where I need medical attention.
Something that involves the paramedics, friends or both.

I'm discouraged that my physical body is so broken.
I'm discouraged it's taking so long to get things fixed.
I'm discouraged Social Security and Medicaid seem to be messed up.
I'm discouraged I won't make it.

I try not to lose faith or hope.
I try not to focus on the cutting I've done to my body.
I try not to be negative when God has given so much to me.
I try to be grateful for my friends and family.

But today I have a sharp pain in my side.
I want to lay down on my bed and have someone I love rub my back.
Rub my back until I cry myself to sleep.
So I can feel loved, really loved, safe and protected.

I want the one God is giving me to heal the past. I want Jill. The one who sacrificially drives up in the middle of the night to hold me as I shake and cry, then I go into a seizure then she and my friends call 911 to get me to the hospital. I want my friend who loves me and will always be here for me. The one where our friendship is reciprocal and our love for Jesus and prayer is a cord that cannot be broken.

My pain will subside one way or another.
One way or another, it always subsides.