DEAD-A Few Days Later

Dear God,

Brokenness manifests itself in many forms. Like other people with a similar background, manifestation is inward pain shown on the outside of our bodies. Either through cutting, over eating, starvation, alcoholism or pornography. Those are just a few of mine.

I want to believe what your Word says but honestly I've lost my footing. I've slipped - now I know what that means after 28 years in 12 step groups. The Al-Anon meeting last night was refreshing. Being amongst a healthy group of strong recovery helped me feel stronger, like I can take charge and submit what needs fixing to you and to Jeff. I know I have to let Jill go. That pains my heart but if it's necessary for both our growth, with a breath of kindness, I place us in your hands.

Steps I learned at Good Shepherd in April:

1. Admit you need help
2. Find safe groups and people
3. Talk about your hurts, stumbling blocks and destructive thoughts or habits
4. Practice positive new behaviors
5. Practice them again
6. Keep a brief daily journal of your day
7. Find your expression: Self-talk; Self-expression; self-soothing
8. Believe you know yourself better than anyone else!

I believe my feeble life has a plan and a purpose. I believe you are working on it even when I carve up my body, drink or abuse myself in some other way. The ways of escape are numerous.

God, you're the only one I trust. Most people, except for two, have stuck with me through it all. I think the cutting freaks most people out.

Love Amy