Dear God,I have my knife. I am alone, I am dead, I am determined to let this pain out once and for all. I will carve a sign or a series of lines. I will etch a saying or a pattern of hash marks.
I will bleed.
I will feel that sweet release.
I will cut as much as I want to until it's gone.
I will cut as deep as I want to until it's out.
My Dad, that bastard who raped me last night in the dream will not ever stop me. I was thirteen when that happened. His death will be my death.
I will cut out the pain, the dirtiness, the shame.
There will be external scars for what he did to me.
Scars no one else can ever stop.
I go now and I cut.
Carefully, with precision, so I don't get locked up in the hospital.
No one will know where or how wide or how long or how deep.
Only you and I shall know.
Everyone else can only guess.
Erik
