A Hole In My Spirit

Dear God,

An empty closet, lightless and old.
Wanting no one to find me, touch me nor hold.
Shadowy figures I hear walking by,
Trying to find me but I'm hiding inside.

I've hidden myself in the only place I've known,
A closet with doors, I know where to go.
The shadow is roaming, I hear footsteps outside.
I stay silent, barely breathing, til the peace arrives.

I think it is safe, I crawl into bed.
But the shadow returns and I'm violated instead.
I thought I'd waited long enough for him to leave.
But I was mistaken, again I am besieged.

Each time it happens I am helpless and alone.
I disassociate to places I'd like to call home.
I see myself hoovering over my bed.
This shadow is hurting me, I'm in pain and I bled.

The little ones inside are too scared to come out.
They are safely protected by a cloud of doubt.
They don't trust anyone, they don't trust me.
I understand why, I understand how that can be.

So I give them to you, Lord, though barely I let go,
For I know you are good and you will help them grow.
Some are fragile, some are weak and some are strong.
But most of them are scared, don't let this decision be wrong.

Come to me Lord and fill this empty hole.
I am willing to do the work but I need your hand to hold.
A hand that is gentle and created the dove.
One that won't hurt me, but heals with love.

In Jesus Name,
Amy