Dear God,Thank you for meeting me in familiar places in strange ways. You always seem to get my attention. When my mind is going in one direction, your Holy Spirit leads it in another. I'm grateful to have a mind that is pointed toward you. Not perfectly by any means but has a desire to listen then follow.
This morning is the forth day I woke up depressed. I think it's a med change. Thankfully I see my new psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm going to suggest a med increase and documentation for the seizures. As I was doing my best thinking in the quietness of my bathroom, in a vulnerable pose each of is in several times a day, a thought found it's way into my head. I explained it to a friend this way:
"You know how people kneel to say their prayers in front of their beds either before or at the end of the day? As I was in the bathroom (where I do my best thinking) I was thinking about kneeling in front of the bathtub and praying for my eating disorder. But you know what God told me? Get down and pray in front of the refrigerator because the bathtub is not where you disobey your eating plan. I did that this morning and broke down into tears. It's amazing what happens when you listen to God's leading and obey His commands. My soul gets connected to the truth of my sinful behavior. Conviction - there's no denying it, escaping it and quite frankly if God is conforming me to the image of Christ I need to kneel in front of that refrigerator everyday until this battle is over and the victory arrives. Because one day, it will!! And If being on the toilet is the inspiration then I guess I can share it. Actually, it was the first time I didn't feel any pain from the kidney stone that is still passing. I guess it made me reflect on the pain I'm causing myself."
These next words are taken from the TouchPoint Bible New Living Translation, the introduction to the book of Hosea. Let its words penetrate your heart as they did mine. "God was faithful to his people, but his people were unfaithful to him. As a husband or wife expects faithfulness from a spouse, so God expects and longs for faithfulness from his people.
Hosea's great love for his unfaithful wife is a powerful illustration of God's great love for his people, despite their unfaithfulness. When Gomer, Hosea's wife, hit bottom, she became a slave. Hosea bought her back and brought her home to reconcile her to himself. Likewise, when we hit bottom, deep in sin, Jesus bought us back and reconciled us to God. Jesus paid for us not with money but with his own life.
If the whole concept of Hosea and his unfaithful wife stirs disgust, think of the many ways in which we are unfaithful to God. Just as Gomer lost interest in Hosea and ran after other lovers, we, too, can easily lose interest in our special relationship with God and pursue dreams and goals that do not include him. When we love anything or anyone more than we love God, we are being unfaithful, like Gomer chasing after another lover. If we worship our job and neglect God, if we worship money and forget our provider, if we worship ourselves and ignore our maker, we are playing the same adulterous game that Gomer played.
Try to feel Hosea's pain in knowing that his wife was being unfaithful; then try to understand God's pain when we are unfaithful to him. Ask yourself if you've lost your desire to know God - to really love him and please him. Rededicate yourself to faithfulness: to God and to your family. Discover the great love and tenderness of God, a love that will not let us go no matter what."
