Dear God,
I confess the sin of immature expression of anger, destructive thoughts to her vehicle, bitterness that her leadership position outranked my value as a participant, feelings of superiority, and self-pity that I lost another relationship because of my mental illness.
I think I'm also ticked off at you because you gave me this brain chemical problem but I'm learning to accept it as another thorn in my flesh. It cuts off the people who love me and I allow it to do that. I don't know how to integrate people or educate them about mental illness. I feel resentful toward them because they either don't understand, don't want to understand, stay away from me because my behavior scares them or they leave me when they said they loved me.
I don't trust as easily as I used to, even the people who've known me for many years. I hate liars and people who want to be friends when it's convenient for them, doesn't ask them to change or reach out, and don't want me around their kids because of it. I really resent it. But I can't change it.
I guess Lord, I have to trust you first in all things. No matter how painful these relationships become, I can't pretend everything is okay or will go back to the way it used to be. It can't. I'm not the same and have to be very careful and guarded with my time, energy and emotions.
For now, I am who I am. Sin and all. I ask for your forgiveness of these sins and to teach me how to be more like Christ. Patient, slow to anger, quick to forgive, and to listen or ponder the words being said. I am weak in those areas and need your strength to become strong.
Love Amy
The Bible says God will never leave us nor forsake us. In my case, I hang onto those words as a lifeline. I hope you do, too.
