This Is Not That Day

Another day passes as I lay in bed,
Tossing and turning this crap in my head.
An appt to see a neuropsychiatrist on the 17th,
Is that all I need? Will that bring relief?

I see my therapist on Thursday,
That day can't come sooner.
So I stay in my bed, watch movies and slumber.
There are times I shake, I tremble, I have a headache and more,
But I hold fast to His mercy cuz it's worth fighting for.

There's part of me that want's to give up this fight.
To turn it all in and swallow the spite.
But I know God doesn't want me to at least not yet.
So I cling to his armor and to the battlefield I set.

Jesus didn't promise a life of ease.
He promised to be with us if that's what we please.
So I curl into my covers, shake, rock and cry.
Knowing my Savior already bled and died.

The suicidal thoughts still dance in my head,
Calling my name to a dark place instead.
But my faith in God is stronger than death,
For he called me to a higher purpose,
And that takes life and breath.

I don't want to talk to anyone,
I don't want to explain.
I want to be by myself,
So I can figure out this pain.

Besides, no one can help me.
Not really. It's my own journey.
One I must travel alone.