Healing Trust

Dear God,

I've been feeling out of touch lately. Except for writing, I'm zoning off as I sit on the couch, ride in a car or fumble my way through cleaning the house. Where is my mind traveling to? And why does it feel a need to leave?

After meeting with Jeff and Jill, I was given a homework assignment. I'm supposed to brainstorm significant friendships with women that have ended. List the good, the bad and the ugly. Then Jeff and I are going to do a board thing on Thursday. This is to help me identify trust. What is it? I have no clue.

When I think about trust I think of hiding my emotions, not letting anyone touch me, standing off at a distance and not talking. If they can handle that, I trust them. But to cry or be angry, be hugged or held, draw close to someone or talk...that scares the crap out of me and I run. Backwards but it's the truth.

So I have a woman whom God has put into my path for this purpose. She scares the crap out of me. She respects my boundaries, is the voice of reason when I'm being unreasonable out of fear, and she is not enabling my dysfunctional behavior. She's loving and wants to do the right thing. So, the question becomes, do I let her?

All my little kids say, "YES!"
I'm freaked out.

God, I'm gonna have to grow in my trust with you, too, because you're the one who hooked us up. Please give me what I need to be completely naked and exposed when it comes to these issues. They prevent me from receiving the love and comfort you want to give.

I surrender all.
Love Amy