Do You Really Know?

Not unless you've had these feelings or violations:

Addiction, Beaten, Convulsions, Dominated, Eating Disorder, Falsehood, Gone, Harsh, Ignored, Judged, Keep Secrets, Lost, Melancholy, Nowhere, Out of It, Panic, Quiet, Ready to Fight, Scared, Tearful, Used, Violated, Withdrawn, Xcelerated Childhood Development, Yearning for Comfort, Zero Safety.

I sit here with my left arm all cut up from trapped feelings. Unless you've been where I've been, you have no idea, I would never wish it upon you and I'd never expect you to understand. In fact, I expect you to leave me.

Having a vivid dream of my father raping me at age 12-13 then in the dream him acting as if you're dating is disgusting. That's what happened. What does an adult who felt like a child, who just came off a day of two seizures, do with all of that? She cuts. She carves. She makes a clear statement. Sure the pain gets out, the trauma is released, the most horrible occurrence in her life has a voice and is heard but who hears it?

I hear it. Do you?????? It whispers my name over and over again.



Lyrics:

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented...Daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again...

(Chorus)
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again

(Chorus)

So go on and scream
Scream at me
I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under

(Chorus)