God is God

Dear God,

Thank you for my friends that showed up during the night in my hour of need. You know the details of the seizure, anxiety attack, another seizure and another anxiety attack. You know they called 911. You know the comfort they gave and the group decision that was made when I was not functional to make it.

"Lord, through all the generations you have been our home! Before the mountains were created, before you made the earth and the world, you are God, without beginning or end." Psalm 90:1-2

Trust is growing through seizures (the second one in 72 hours). It's growing by making a phone call and my friends following the phone tree. It's growing when I let people rub my back, when I rock back and forth, when I cry and when Jill showed up. I unfroze myself and was able to ask her to hold me while I sobbed.

I had a vision of abuse that was trying to surface. I was four years old. It didn't come up visually but through my body I experienced the fear and terror. Then, just as I was starting to calm down, another seizure hit as Jill was holding me. I couldn't breathe like the other one two days earlier. I was conscious but unable to stop it.

What am I learning? I'm very tired. Therapy is hard. I have friends and family who are there for me in a heartbeat if they can be. I'm not alone. It's okay to receive touch.

My love languages are touch and time. Difficult for someone with a past like mine but not impossible without the help of you and the Holy Spirit.

Love Amy