Sleepless...Again

Dear God,

It's hard to start with adoration when what I really want to say is, "What the heck? I can't sleep for the past week." I know it's hard with these new medications and adjustments to things but really, can I get a good night's sleep without so many weird dreams about not knowing what class to be at when I was in high school? I'm frustrated.

Thank you that my knee is feeling better though stairs are not my favorite thing right now. Thank you for the financial provision you've been surprising me with for the past week. I have so many phone calls to make about the CHIPS program, my medical concerns and food stamps that I feel a bit overwhelmed. I thought watching Rambo would help with the PTSD. It's only been one day but I do feel a little better. Something about guns and blowing away the anger really helps.

I'm still wearing the rubber band on my wrist. The one Suzi gave me at Good Shepherd. It helps to snap it when I feel stress. I haven't cut since that hospitalization but even then it was because of that screaming patient who sent my nerves overboard. I know it.

So I missed my support group last night. I'm thinking about going to church with Stephanie on Saturday night to meet my Area Pastor, Marie. I miss going to church but I also know my energy level is really limited. But I can't lock myself up in my house just because I'll sleep or have sleepless nights. Someday, all of this will balance out.

And that's where you come in. I adore you for sticking so close to me through all of this. If it weren't for you, God, I would be dead.

I love you,
Amy