As I was preparing for our Celebrate Recovery group last night I realized my soul has been out of balance. I've been out of God's word, not reading a new book where short bible stories are brought to life nor have I been concerned about my physical care. I've been focused on other things, good things, but not things that nourish my soul.As I began this day I decided to pick up where I left off in the book of Daniel, chapter nine. It's "Daniel's Prayer for His People." It's theme is confession, sin, rebellion and God's mercy. A coincidence? I think not. I'm going to follow along Daniel's prayer adding my own confession of truth and vulnerability. This is not easy and this is why only certain people are allowed to read my blog.
Dear Heavenly Father, my father, my truth-teller, my gracious forgiver. This is the first in many days that I have come to you in your word. I learned from your word that I need to turn to the Lord God and plead with you in prayer and probably fasting (though that is a big stretch these days). So here I am, Lord. Here's my prayer and confession. Lord, you are a great and awesome God! you always fulfill your promises of unfailing love to those who love you and keep your commands. But I, Amy, have sinned and done wrong. I have rebelled against the healing from binge eating and bulimia that you set before me. I have refused to listen to your chosen teachers who spoke your message of balance and nutritional health. Lord, you are in the right for convicting my spirit. My face is covered in shame, just as you see me now. I am covered in shame because I have sinned against you. But the Lord our God is merciful and forgiving even though I have rebelled against him. I have not obeyed the Lord our God, for I have not followed the guidance he gave me through Rogers Memorial and Dr. Sarah. I have refused to seek help and strength from you, from your people and in return fell into a fat pit of gaining weight. While I understand one of the medications has a side effect of weight gain, Lord that's no excuse for binge eating. I am turning from my sin today and recognizing your truth. For even though I have not obeyed what you have set before me, I believe I can have victory in this area of my life. For you have faithful mercies, Lord. O our God, listen as I plead. For your own sake, Lord, smile on me and grant your servant victory in this fight. I do not ask because I deserve the victory but because you are so merciful.
With all my love and in my Savior Jesus name I pray, Amy Kathleen.
